The Value of Psychological Flexibility - Not Easy, but Worth It!

Of all the things I’ve learned in life, I’d argue that psychological flexibility is the most valuable quality to have and continuously develop. How many age old sayings do we have to talk about adapting to adverse circumstances? Fighting with siblings – water off a duck’s back. Called a name in school – sticks and stones. Murphy and his law making a visit – tomorrow is a new day. Finding it difficult to shake off the negative self talk – just let it go. Adverse circumstances and our ability to adapt and form resilience are expected elements of everyone’s upbringing. But how many times were we provided with the tools to get through these challenges? How do we move past the acknowledgement of negative emotional, social and physical experiences without devaluing our needs?

Over the years I’ve worked really hard to consistently practice cognitive diffusion to distance myself from a place of hurt to a place of understanding. And no, not necessarily understanding the “other side”, or somehow excusing the person who caused my hurt. But understanding a bigger picture. Understanding that my next action will also have an outcome and ultimately, it’s my choice how I behave. I’ve had some stellar questionable behaviours, don’t get me wrong. But like anything, it’s the practice that creates improvement.

Looking back, I see the outcomes of my emotionally motivated and admittedly short-sighted reactions to my thoughts and feelings. And while the guilt and shame can be a powerful motivator, I am more strengthened now by the confidence I feel when I take the time to pause. I notice what I’m feeling and name it for what is it. And then I remember who I am, and that doesn’t change unless I let it. I choose to engage with my values that suit the situation. Patience when I’m feeling frustrated. Perseverance when I’m having difficulty. Kindness when I have the opportunity.

I encourage you to remember not only who you want to be, but who you are. Because you’re more than your less than stellar choices too. You are all the things you value most, simply because you value them. It is about taking the next step, seeing the bigger picture, and choosing to be the protagonist in your own story.